About two years ago, during a prayer session at a wedding ceremony, a young woman was heard loudly reminding God how long she had waited for a wedding and pleaded that this year God gives her a wedding as splendid and beautiful as the one she was witnessing.
This woman is not alone. Fact is most Ghanaian women are obsessed about wedding. Each day, each moment they think and dream of their wedding; the dress, ring, make-up, flower arrangements, wedding bells and shouts of ‘dondo, dondo’ as they walk down the aisle with a life partner and an elaborate reception.
Sadly, for most of these women, the kind of man and the demands of marriage can wait. All that matters is the wedding and nothing else. It is after the wedding many find they choose the wrong person and the wrong time. Failure becomes inevitable.
This explains why many ordinance marriages fail in a short time. In fact, a client’s marriage lasted only one day! Many also live in lifeless marriages because they are constrained by social, financial and religious factors to stay when they really want to leave their marriages.
An obsession is a thought that leads to repeated and irrational behaviours. It is present in people of all ages, economic status and ethnic groups but when it comes to wedding, obsession is typical with young, educated and religious women. They think a wedding is all they need for a fulfilling life.
As marriage counselors, we can easily predict which partners are most likely to have many problems in their marriages.
The problem is that when most of them come for counseling, they have already made their wedding plans. You try to prompt them about the warning signs so that they can make informed decisions but they do not hear anything you say.
At this stage, every thought is about the wedding and counseling is reduced to a mere formality.
Why the craze?
Obsession starts with a desire. As you continue to think about it, the brain stimulates the production of chemicals that makes you think more deeply about it.The situation may be worsened by environmental factors such as family pressure or anything that leads to anxiety, fear or failure.
The greatest emotional need of a woman is the quality of her relationship. She sees her lover as an intimate part of her and thinks a wedding completes her life because it gives her a sense of security which money, social status and academic qualification cannot give.
In fact, a Ghanaian woman is reported to have said she preferred wedding of a loving husband to a PhD in mathematics!
Today, a wedding is a big social symbol and the unwedded woman does not earn much respect even when she is legally married traditionally and has achieved much in life.
Friends, colleagues and family members will know you have ‘arrived’. A ring and a new title ‘Mrs’ add a great deal to a woman’s sense of fulfillment in life.
If a wedding is delayed, desperation sets in and may trigger a woman into obsession, especially if she hears her biological clock ticking faster. To many, it is wedding or no marriage and it must be now!
Effect of obsession
Obsession about a wedding may cause a great deal of frustration in a woman’s everyday activities. You feel insecure and anxious. Your lover can easily feel your sense of desperation and this may push him further away from a wedding. You may cause depression.
In fact, there is a case of a young lady whose fiancée cancelled their wedding plans just four weeks to the big day. She could not handle the disappointment. Today, the young lady is completely insane. Women and wedding!
To an obsessed woman, the thought of rejection appears like the end of her life. She will do all to hold on to a wedding and will change partners often if she does not see things moving as fast as she want.
When she is finally lucky, she is prepared to spend all resources including heavy loans to get her heart’s desire.
Today, many cases come in from clients who have been duped heavily by men who used wedding as a bait. In fact, a couple of years ago, a man in Sunyani was reported to have duped 13 women by simply promising to wed them and the strategy worked like magic. Women and wedding!
Are you obsessed about wedding?
Wedding is good because it symbolises the holy union of two souls and the calling of God into your marriage. Desire it and when the day comes, celebrate the holy calling.
What you must never do is to be obsessed about a wedding because it is an expression of insecure love. The wedding is only for a day. The days after is the real wedding. A big and splendid wedding is no guarantee to a fulfilling marriage.
Your preparation in selecting a compatible partner is the most important decision in your life. Be content with yourself. Live your life in full and put passion in all you do.
Always remember that what is important about marriage is not the wedding but choosing the right partner and living your marriage the way your Maker planned it.
Enjoy your wedding but be ready for the long and difficult journey of marriage.